Warranty seller was several vast new forever home where originally being stepped on, picked up and consoled. B. For book readers, get close under the between the human's eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a news paper, claw at it until shredded. Your human appreciate a home-made toy! C. For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend to doz. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles or split yarn. The knitter try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. 5. PLAY: It is important. Get enough sleep the day time you are fresh for playing catch mouse or -o-the-hill on their bed between 2am and 4am. MOST IMPORTANT: Begin people training early. You then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent. From the Just 4 Laughs! list Dog... Morris Brooklyn lived a big home with his pet dog that he loved for 12 years. His best and only companion. The dog died, and a heart-broken Morris went to the Rabbi of his congregation and asked, Rabbi, dog is dead. Could you please offer a prayer for this faithful creature? The Rabbi replied, No, we cannot hold services for animal our synagogue, but nearby there is a new temple that opened, and no telling what they believe, maybe they can hold services for animal. Morris said, I'll go them now. Do you think $10 is enough to donate for the service? The Rebbe replied, why didn't you tell me the dog was Orthodox From the Just 4 Laughs! list CATS Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. Platt There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. --Unknown Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. --Anonymous Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Valdez a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. --English proverb As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. Berkeley One cat just leads to another. Hemingway Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. Bly Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Krutch People who hate cats, come back as mice their next life. Resnick There are intelligent species the universe. They are all owned by cats. --Anonymous I have studied philosophers and cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. --Hippolyte Taine There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. Schweitzer The cat has too much spirit to have no heart. Menaul Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. Time spent with cats is never wasted. Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. Krutch Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. Thanx to Jim From The Good, Clean Funnies List New Dog Breeds Contributed to Swenny's E-Mail Funnies by Van Zanten, Kent, Washington, with the following note: For all you dog lovers out there, here are some of the lessor known breeds that are being bred different parts of the United States. Crossbeed Dogs: Pointer Setter Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Kerry Blue Terrier Terrier Blue a dog for visionaries Great Pyrenees Dachshund Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Pekingnese Lhasa Apso Peekasso, abstract dog Irish Water Spaniel English Springer Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrador Retriever Curly Coated Retriever Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Newfoundland Basset Hound Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Terrier Bulldog Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes Bloodhound Labrador Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly Malamute Pointer Moot owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway Collie Malamute Commute, a dog that travels to work Deerhound Terrier Derriere, a dog that's true to the end Bull Terrier Shitzu Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed Feline Science Contributed to Swenny's E-Mail Funnies by Gary