Environment and offers dogs memory has and given great ice fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. a few days the cat relax enough to be removed from your leg. He usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better. From the Just 4 Laughs! list HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A BATH. by Jens Vidar Tandberg copyright 1998 A 5 step guide to washing one of our furry little friends, without risking life, neither yours nor the lives of anyone who happens to be stupid enough to voulenteer to help you with such a monstrous task. You need: A cat A good friend 200 meters of band aids, antibiotic ointment and pain pills Patience, and the mentality of a kamikaze pilot. Immediate access to a good doctor plastic surgeon psychiatrist. 5 SWAT team cops A strong deathwish or masochismic bent Getting Started. First, here are a couple of things you should know about cats, before you start: 1. Cats hate water about as much as you hate getting your face torn to shreds by frantic cat claws. 2. Cats do not care whether you survive or not. They have little or no respect for human life general. A cat without any hesitation or remorse, tear your eyeballs out, or remove all the skin off your body. 3. Although you have the advantage of size, the little WILL use any dirty tricks he can think of, should you. 4. Do not expect to outsmart your little feline friend, as it is a well known fact that any cat is smarter than any person who is dumb enough to try to bathe one. now you should be somewhat prepared for the task that lies ahead, although, you should be aware that no can ever really be prepared for the ultimate test of manhood, catbathing. STEP 1 Take your cat under your arm, nonchalantly, like it was just to pat him a little, make sure that the cat has no idea of your foul intentions, you can control this by putting your ear next to the cat's throat and making sure that the the cat shakes kinda like the strange banana you found mom's bedroom. If there is a soft purrrrring sound, you are safe. If the cat just stares at you with a suspicious look... DROP THE STUPID THING AND RUN! STEP 2 Wait a couple of hours, until the animal is sound asleep, and go for a surprise attack. Sit down next to him and start talking to him, patting him