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17 Alessandro The Made Much Easier Annihilate' Admit Front

That serious 25 lead intercept gold flip is to shocked at you with a suspicious look... DROP THE STUPID THING AND RUN! STEP 2 Wait a couple of hours, until the animal is sound asleep, and go for a surprise attack. Sit down next to him and start talking to him, patting him carefully on the tummy Keep this up until the cat has started purrrrring. Put your sole to it, or the cat know that foul play is involved. Remember the cat has nine lives to spend, while you have but one. If you have to spend the next two days assuring your wife that you her just as much as the cat, you know you did a good job. STEP 3 Redecorate the bath to make it look like a heaven, cats have instinct, you Even a cat that has never seen the inside of a bath instinctively know what is going on when you take him into a bathroom. This is known as predestinate water syndrome and has also been observed on young human specimen. Take the cat your hands, and start running for the bathroom. You should hire proffesionals to open close the doors for you, or you fail miserably. Navy SEALs should be a good help here. Try opening a door with a rabid your hands, and you'll what is meant. STEP 4 a) Try to throw cat into bathtub. b) Remove cat from scalp. c) Consider getting a new cat. d) Push cat into tub. e) Go a doctor to stop bleeding from hands and face. f) Consider getting a new cat. g) Put duct tape on cat's claws. h) Get friend to hold cat while pouring water on him. i) Remove duct tape from inner ear, and remove cat from friends' reproductive organs. j) Consider getting a new cat. k) Tie cat's legs together with dental floss threads, get friend to help holding the cat down while soaping him up. l) Remove Dental floss from anal opening, remove slippery cat from friends face m) Consider getting a new cat. n) Get four Navy SEALs to help hold cat's paws, while you try to dry him with a towel. o) Pay for Navy SEALs' bills from the plastic surgeon p) Consider getting a new cat. q) Open door to let cat go lick himself dry. r) Go a psychiatrist s) Consider getting a dog. STEP 5 Nobody has ever reached this far, but if you do, call guinness book of records. Congratulations, your cat is now clean, although you now look like something one would normally cook for dinner. by Jens Vidar Tandberg copyright 1998 From the Just 4 Laughs! list Dogs Contributed to Swenny's E-Mail Funnies by Sorsby, Mexico City The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog