And personalities affects her reasonably at dusk apr 4 13184 coordination skills. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They try and squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies effectively keep them pinned. VII. COMPUTERS: Rule no. 1: only show interest computers that are turned ON, the operator need your help. 2: Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to buy less cat food. Always get between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stands as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go and sulk a corner for a minute, then repeat. Look as innocent as possible. 3: Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-. 4: always the mouse. Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to mice. 5: Floppy disk make great scratching posts. Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails. Things Dogs Must Try To Remember... I not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. I not roll toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of fur BEFORE entering the house. I not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. I stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet the house when I am about to throw up. I not throw up the car. I not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. I not lick human's face after eating animal poop. box crunchies are not food. I not eat any more socks and then redeposit them the backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I not wake Mommy up by sticking cold, wet nose up her bottom end. I not chew human's toothbrush and not tell them. I not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or people think I am hemorrhaging. When the car, I not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I not bark each time I hear one on TV. I not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom Dad's laps. head does not belong the refrigerator. I not bite the officer's hand when he reaches for Mom's driver's license and car registration. from Just 4 Laughs! DOGGY DEFINITIONS LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him her to go. DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread the guest room or the newly upholstered couch the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you 't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches. GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread. BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away. DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running the opposite direction, or lying down. THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper,